My friend calls me around 2am this morning. I am house sitting for her and watching her two little cats, as the phone chimes I wake with a start-the first thing on my mind; "this better not be a booty call!" *note: who would be calling me for a booty call? I flatter myself.
I turn over my cell phone and see that it is my friend calling me from out of town-something is very wrong.
Turns out, her upstairs neighbor called to tell her that her car window was smashed in the driveway and she was calling me for details. Sadly, folks, I have no knowledge of this as I fell asleep watching the Hunt for Red October around 10:00. I put on some clothes- a haphazard ensemble consisting of a bra, leggings, a trench coat and stiletto heels. This is how the pros do recon in case you were wondering. Plus, part of me is thinking- I can be found dead in an alleyway with no shirt, but I gotta be wearing nice shoes.
Approaching the car with nothing but calm and assurance(read: trepidation and fear of the bogeyman around every corner), I find that indeed the window on the passenger side has been smashed, and by all appearances, not a thing was taken. Here is what Detective Heels deduced:
1. Either this was a pointless crime committed by some bored felon or teenage scoundrel, or:
2. It was a focused attack. Did I mention this was the second time her car window was smashed in a month? Or:
3. An asteroid fell from space and shattered the window but I couldn't detect it's remains amongst the other debris in the driveway.
Let's look at the evidence surrounding each possibility(this is how real detectives, as well as Sean Connery as Captain Ramius would solve this):
1. If it was a pointless crime, why was nothing taken? Where was the threatening note left in cut-up magazine letters? Why were no other windows broken? Aha! Because it was pointless!
2. If it was an evil, bad, nasty focused plot to, over the next few months, break every window one-by-one of my lovely and dear friend's Volkswagen Golf...knock it off crazy town! That poor girl doesn't need to be replacing every window of her cute little car and you should seriously look into getting some help with your projection against German automobiles!
3. The most plausible and obvious explanation is of course the simplest: billions of years ago, a star in the Clancy Nebula exploded, sending particles hurtling through space. One of those particles found itself over the northern hemisphere-exact location: Queen Anne Hill, Seattle, WA. As it entered the atmosphere, it began speeding up to the point where when it hit that beautiful and durable German auto glass, it was with enough velocity to shatter the window and knock a tape out of the tape deck.
Case closed. It is such a relief to know that we live in such a crime free city. Watch out for falling space particles though. Oh dear.
*Katie dear! This is not funny at all really, and I am so sorry this happened to you. We will get this sorted out, and I will keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior. Hugs to you. :(
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