Dear Craigslist, You Lie!

Alone on a couch last night, approaching the midnight hour, I decided to watch a scary movie. That was a mistake. I am neither as brave or as secure in the dead bolt stability on the front door as I thought. That said, it seems a merry and snugly feeling to what I am enduring this morning: apartment hunting.

Oh yes. The apartment hunt. What horrors of horrors you expect to find are nothing in comparison to the reality of the beautiful craigslist post becoming a stained carpet-no water pressure-one window-nightmare. And that smell! What is that? Craigslist should have a search option much like the sort by price button, but it should be: sort by smell. The last place was an infusion of 500 cats and cigarettes dipped in teriyaki sauce. Oh. Dear. God.

Dear apartment gods, here is my short list of what I am searching for, if it isn't asking too much, thank you:

1. NO carpet. Is it unreasonable to not want my bare feet touching the grisly gray filth soaked carpet that has been through 34 tenants? I don't care that is has been steam cleaned with a dirt devil- I would rather have the most scratched and abused hardwood floors-1970's vinyl even- than you, nasty carpet.

2. A clean-mildew-mold free shower/bath. With enough water pressure and a big enough hot water tank to shower without it feeling like I answered an add in the Stranger for someone to pee on me.

3. a two bedroom unit that costs under $1,400.00. We do not live in London, Manhattan, Tokyo or Dubai. We don't have a fully functioning public transportation system or even a night life that goes later than 2am, believe me Seattle, you are lucky to get $950 for a 2 bedroom!

My list goes on; a claw foot tub, a dishwasher, w/d in unit, high ceilings, etc. But really, these three requirements are my only non negotiables. Heck, I'm willing to live above a really bad thai restaurant and smell the ketchupy pad thai they make every morning! (though living above a good thai restaurant and smelling their panang curry every night would be ideal...).

Well, as for now, the search continues. The good side: a sparkling wood floored-vaulted-ceilinged-directly facing Volunteer Park-refinished bathroom-$1,200/month miracle could still be out there waiting for me... I will find you my love! I will find you and never ever leave you! ...until my landlord raises the rent.