I just spent an hour and forty-five minutes of my life on the phone with my bank. This was after a very frustrating half hour inside the actual bank branch. Here's how it went down;
A girl walks in wearing a jade silk dress, black tights and grey jacket. She has her deposits pre-filled out and in her hand. After waiting in line for exactly eleven minutes, she is nearing the counter. She wonders, "why is there one bank teller behind the counter, and 2 bankers come up to me in line to take my deposit from me-to as they tell me "make things easier and more efficient", when no-one wants to hand over their deposits that way, we must have other banking to do or else we would just deposit it in the ATM". Also, the girl in the jade dress wonders why besides the 2 bankers probing the line, there are 4 bankers at desks, one at the weird hub at the center of the room, one greeting people at the door, and 2 talking to each other near the far side of the counter. Let's do the math shall we! That makes 9, 9! people on the floor doing nothing, essentially and 1 behind the counter as the 8-14 of us wait in line. Grrrrr!!!!
When the girl finally gets to the counter, she hands over her slips and says, "when you are done, can I have my balance please?". The teller absentmindedly takes her deposit slips and starts typing with one hand, while talking to her co-worker who just came around back to stand at her booth with her. She passes the girl in the dress her deposit verification and then turns to keep chatting with her co-worker-note: no balance receipt and there are 6 people behind still waiting in line.
Once the girl finally gets the balance, she notices it is not correct and tells the teller so. Teller calls over the personal banker(what does that mean?), and the PB tells her to please use the courtesy phone to clear up the confusion. (Courtesy phone? Since when is getting the brush off from the place you store your money a courtesy? The mattress I keep my savings in never treats me this way!). Said courtesy phone drops the call, misdirects the girl, doesn't offer the option needed and finally the girl-oh screw it- finally I realize I need to get back to the shop and get to work.
Once at work the girl calls the number on the back of her debit card and endures the same run around as the courtesy phone-no wonder since the number she dialed was called "direct assistance" and has been anything but. Seems banks are so safe to leave your money with because they are geniuses at smoke and mirrors, misdirection and downright confounding even when you have the account number and SS# right there is front of you! How do identity thieves do it? Do they have their own line they call for optimum service? Any identity thieves who read my blog, please feel free to give me tips on how I can get to my money and information.
Finally I talk to someone and don't get dropped or transferred long enough to explain that as far as I know, the balance on my account is incorrect. Here is the part where I lose it: the idiot hired to answer the phone and who has access to MY bank accounts tells me the business account I'm referring to belongs to a Miss ______ _______ (and tells me the name of my accountant, actually my previous accountant) and he can't give me any information since I am not the owner of the account/business. WHAT!!! Oh, so I own, work, slave, fore go, invest, cry, sweat, bleed for this business for over two years, open the account to begin with in your #$%@ing institution and you are going to tell me it doesn't belong to me!?! That you won't tell me anything because some idiot entered some data wrong-over a year ago!?! That for over a year I haven't owned my business and yet I get my statements at the address I gave you, I pay all the bills through this account, my signature is on all the deposit slips and I have been using MY SS# for reference and you didn't seem to have a problem till NOW!?!
To shorten this horror story to the appropriate feature length of 90 minutes, I will close by saying: it was a bank glitch. They "apologized for the inconvenience, and they are happy to help me again if I have any future questions". Bank of America: Go To Hell.
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