Getting Lucky

First, a disclaimer: if you are too high-bred for direct talk on subjects involving lady business, read no further.

Okay.

So my good friend has been dating women for some time and decided that she would like to try pitching for the other team and see how it went. She went forth and you will not believe this: the guy she hooked up with starts CRYING in the middle of it! While he is still inside her! WHAT THE WHAT?!?! Who does that? Turns out he had just broken up with his girlfriend so was feeling rather sad...blah, blah, blah... No excuse!

Here's the thing I told her when she came over scarred and swearing off men for good; "look, (we will call her Lucy), look Lucy, it's the law of averages. You can't expect to go out and fuck one guy and it's all fireworks and perfect. It's not fair to the rest of us who have been wading in that pool for years with as many failures as successes. It's called "getting lucky" for a reason. You may see a guy who looks like a 10, and turns out to have the sexual prowess of a 4. You can see a 8 and think, well he's kinda cute and a bit nerdy and turns out, he rocks your socks off in the sack! (Not that anyone should be wearing socks during sex. Creepy). You never really know, but once in a while, you get lucky. Here's the other side of that coin: men's definition of getting lucky is getting laid. Which, I feel goes to prove that most women are dynamos in the sack, or at least we don't jack-rabbit hump you till you need a back brace.

Some of my lady friends and I were talking about why this actually happens, why we are so shocked when we set out into the world of male/female relationships. Here's what we determined should be set forth in a handy guide book given to all young ladies to clear up misconceptions:

1. Men who look like they will be "good in bed" rarely are.
2. If you aren't sure how you "work", don't expect him to know either.
3. Never go to bed with a man who is drunk on bourbon or sells pot for a living.
4. When a man asks you your number(you know, the NUMBER), always say: "seven".
5. For every man that is bad in bed, there is hopefully one who knows what he's doing. Don't get discouraged, just keep expectations in a realistic realm.

To all the ladies out there who are bewildered or disenchanted, here's the silver lining: if you go to a lame movie, you probably won't get your $12.00 back, but if you have a lame time in bed, at least you didn't pay for it. And Lucy, believe me, one day- this WILL be funny, bad sex is always at least good for a laugh later on...