Sriracha Syndrome

So, it's been a couple of stressful weeks lately. Between work, making plans with friends getting back into town, moving and painting every wall in my house, and preparing for a show at my shop, I have started a strange activity I like to call "stress-spicing".

A close cousin to stress-eating, stress-spicing is when whatever you are eating or drinking you feel the need to punch in the teeth with cayenne pepper, cocoa powder, hand shaved nutmeg, bucketloads of curry sauce or my favorite: sriracha, sriracha and more sriracha!

What is this? Why does this happen? Well, having a degree in medicine and a doctorate in the way the brain works(also known as brainyography), I can tell you that the neural receptors for taste and sight are un-affected by time of day, amount of direct sunlight, or sexual preference.* Thus, I feel fairly confident in my assessment that "stress-spicing" (or as us medical professionals refer to it in the 2010 bio-medical journal Health-ish as "Spicicological Predispository Manipulating Syndrome*), is caused by the need to feel aware, awake, engaged and otherwise involved. Patients studied with this syndrome were found to have fairly boring, mundane, or lackluster lives. As Clinical Study Patient 2B put it; "I just don't really give a #$%&". Adding spice to foods is one way those suffering from SPMS try to enhance their lives and deal with the symptoms if not the actual cause of their condition.

A sister condition known as ACTE, Add Cheese To Everything, can be even more serious than SPMS since dairy and heavy calories are known to be hard on digestive tracks, and excessive calories can cause weight gain creating a side affect to ACTE known as WWMMNDA, Want to Watch Mad Men and Not Do Anything.

Hopefully my disclosure and honesty of suffering from SPMS will cause more people to come out of the closet where they have been spicing up their foods and we can all go play a super-charged game of tackle kick-ball while wearing flight attendant uniforms and chewing 18 sticks of gum. Time to spice up our lives not our mac-n-cheese!!!

*all medical claims and sources sited are fraudulent and have no basis in medical fact. The blogger does not posses any actual knowledge biologically speaking, or medically. In fact, she never learned the song the "leg bone is connected to the hip bone" and thinks that blood is "icky" and will faint at the sight of needles. She once asked to have her uterus removed so she could wear tinier belts.